As a hero lay dying

Hero, n. -- A person noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose

I didn't know her that well. I only knew the stories I heard through the years. I saw her every once in a while, just enough time to say "hi." She and my mom became friends. They sold Mary Kay together. They really were an unlikely pair, but somehow they found each other.

Not too long ago, she was diagnosed with cancer. First, it was in her leg, but it soon spread to her brain and her spine and soon it was all over. A tumor on her spine paralyzed her from the waist down, but she never quit fighting to walk again. She began regaining leg strength and got to the point of being able to flex her muscles. The brain tumor paralyzed her right eye, but she kept fighting and it began to move in rhythm with the left again. The doctors said the cancer was clear. She had progressed through rehab and was about to go home.

After coughing up blood and having several tests run, a staph infection was found in her lungs. It wasn't very long after and the word came the cancer had spread, virtually consuming her body.

She got to go spend one pretty day outside. As she knew she would soon be slipping away she began planning her funeral and making sure all the details of benefits and such were taken care of. Here lay a woman, who in preparation to die is making sure everything is taken care of so those around her don't have to worry about it later.

She has shown selfless courage. She has held on and fought with every ounce of strength she could muster. She has more will power than almost anyone else would in such a situation. She has fought a long and hard battle and fought it with faith. She has never given up or doubted. I don't think she wanted to die, but I'm also fairly convinced she's not afraid to.

As I lay dying, I only hope I can have such courage to take on death. Not to challenge it, but rather to accept it for what it is. Death is always the enemy, but fortunately it is not one that we have to fight. God has already taken care of that and defeated it. Death is not always the worst option because it is not final.

Karen is the definition of a hero. She has lived feats of courage. Her purpose is noble. She has left a legacy in her co-workers and her children. I'm sure she's not ready to let go because she leaves behind precious childrean who love her dearly. Courage is fear holding on a minute longer and I hope we can bless her and let her let go.

Karen hasn't woken up for a few days now. The morphine keeps her sleeping, but at least pain free. She can't talk to us, but we can talk to her. I know my heart breaks for her family. As for her, she has fought the good fight. She has shown us how to live, even in the shadow of death. As this precious hero lays dying, I only hope I can have half the courage she did as I walk through my life.

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart, and try to love the questions themselves. Do not seek the answers that cannot be given you because youwould not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
Revelation 21:4

May 12, 2006

Update: Karen passed away Monday morning, May 15, 2006 at 6:10 p.m.