Finding my way

The past couple of days have been spent in Abilene without my parents. I truly believe I have found myself in these past few days. It's not that I didn't know before who I was or where my passions were, it was simply that I seemed to have forgotten. I had forgotten the simple joys of playing with children or holding them while they lay their head on your shoulder and say "I love you." I had forgotten the joys of family stories and family bonding and family traditions, even 42. I seem to have forgotten the simple peace of being outside on a Texas night, enjoying the dark and the sky and the breeze that comes in after the sun sets. I think I forgot about me. I forgot about the things I love and find such simple happiness in. I forgot that it doesn't matter what I do or where I go, I can't change who I am or where I come from or what I love.

Saturday night I will fall asleep in the first room to the right, my room, to a loud TV blaring behind my head through the log wall that bears no insulation. I will wake up Sunday morning to the radio. I will lie in bed listening to the clocks chime, not in unison, but in staggered rhythms. I will count each chime to realize I still have another hour of sleep left at least. I will get up and shower in the muggiest of bathrooms. I will fight the fog to put on make-up, give up and use the dim light of my bedroom to struggle with daily routines in the vanity mirror. I will rush to get my clothes picked out and put on, hurridly grab my Bible and sit in the car for 45 minutes as we drive to a small country church where all 20 members are related. My mom and I will be the only visitors. We will sing old Church of Christ hymns, possibly slightly off key and with the accompaniment of that one particular tone deaf soprano. Papaw will preach a mostly coherent sermon, though it is likely I will lose his train of thought at least at one point. Everything will be Biblical and be worthy of my time, though it may seem at times that the message skips around and is a bit sparatic. We will be greeted and sent off with great joy. We will have a modest lunch and then we will all curl up for afternoon naps. The week will be filled with Chinese checkers, fishing in the pond, making rolls and donuts and learning the craft of fried pies. Each day will begin with the blare of a radio and end with the peaceful chirps of crickets and the flicker of fireflies. I will sink into bed, read for a while then switch off the lamp. The clocks will chime and I will fall asleep at peace...at home. I want to go home. I want to go have a week where I don't work. A week where I spend time with precious family and dear friends. I won't be ready to leave when my time is over there, but then I'll come back to my other home. That will be ok too. I just want to go home.

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home...
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home
-Michael Buble, "Home"