All about June 30

My birthday!!

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Confessions of a broken down athlete

ath-lete, n.


A person possessing the natural or acquired traits, such as strength, agility, and endurance, that are necessary for physical exercise or sports, especially those performed in competitive contexts.


So time has taken it's toll on this old broken down athlete. I started organized sports when I was 4 years old with gymnastics. Then it was softball, volleyball, track, back to gymnastics, cheerleading, skiing, snowboarding, back to gymnastics, football, kickboxing,tennis. Needless to say, 18 years later I'm falling apart.


We got the ankle all fixed up, healing well, nerves are coming back.


Nine months later and it's on to
ROUND 2


Knee Scope
Thursday, July 6, 2006
10 a.m.
Texas Midwest


June 26, 2006

Finding my way

The past couple of days have been spent in Abilene without my parents. I truly believe I have found myself in these past few days. It's not that I didn't know before who I was or where my passions were, it was simply that I seemed to have forgotten. I had forgotten the simple joys of playing with children or holding them while they lay their head on your shoulder and say "I love you." I had forgotten the joys of family stories and family bonding and family traditions, even 42. I seem to have forgotten the simple peace of being outside on a Texas night, enjoying the dark and the sky and the breeze that comes in after the sun sets. I think I forgot about me. I forgot about the things I love and find such simple happiness in. I forgot that it doesn't matter what I do or where I go, I can't change who I am or where I come from or what I love.

Saturday night I will fall asleep in the first room to the right, my room, to a loud TV blaring behind my head through the log wall that bears no insulation. I will wake up Sunday morning to the radio. I will lie in bed listening to the clocks chime, not in unison, but in staggered rhythms. I will count each chime to realize I still have another hour of sleep left at least. I will get up and shower in the muggiest of bathrooms. I will fight the fog to put on make-up, give up and use the dim light of my bedroom to struggle with daily routines in the vanity mirror. I will rush to get my clothes picked out and put on, hurridly grab my Bible and sit in the car for 45 minutes as we drive to a small country church where all 20 members are related. My mom and I will be the only visitors. We will sing old Church of Christ hymns, possibly slightly off key and with the accompaniment of that one particular tone deaf soprano. Papaw will preach a mostly coherent sermon, though it is likely I will lose his train of thought at least at one point. Everything will be Biblical and be worthy of my time, though it may seem at times that the message skips around and is a bit sparatic. We will be greeted and sent off with great joy. We will have a modest lunch and then we will all curl up for afternoon naps. The week will be filled with Chinese checkers, fishing in the pond, making rolls and donuts and learning the craft of fried pies. Each day will begin with the blare of a radio and end with the peaceful chirps of crickets and the flicker of fireflies. I will sink into bed, read for a while then switch off the lamp. The clocks will chime and I will fall asleep at peace...at home. I want to go home. I want to go have a week where I don't work. A week where I spend time with precious family and dear friends. I won't be ready to leave when my time is over there, but then I'll come back to my other home. That will be ok too. I just want to go home.

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home...
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home
-Michael Buble, "Home"

The emotional spectrum

Things have been going relatively smoothly lately. Although I still catch myself on the ups and downs of an emotional roller coaster, sometimes hitting every level of the emotional spectrum, life is fairly calm. School is over. I am working part-time. I am job hunting, which can be stressful, but I'm kind of taking it easy for now.

I am preparing to go to Kentucky in a couple of weeks. It's really a hard trip to think about it. I know my Granny is not doing very well. I have to sometimes face the bitter truth that this could be another trip to say good-bye. I know she is strong and may well will herself to live until after my Papaw dies, but her soul is tired. She has worked hard for many years and served the Lord in every minute of every day. I know she is ready for a peace and rest she can no longer find on this earth. I will go back. I will make rolls and donuts, play chinese checkers, curl up on the couch with a book, watch Wheel of Fortune at a deafening volume, go fishing, go to the garden. I will remember why I need that farm. I will remember why that is my magical place. I have every plan to sit on the covered porch and watch the highway and the pond. It has always been my place of peace and comfort, so I will go and embrace it for at least one more time.

I am a bit lonely at times here. I am ever so thankful Katie is still in town. Tanja is in Conroe. RJ is busy with school, work and his girlfriend. Richard has moved to Lubbock and Brant is out of town for three weeks. I need to find some dear old friends to catch up with I think.

Though it seems to be getting easier, Josh's absence is still painful. I had a chance to talk to his mom, Pam, for about a half an hour the other night. It was refreshing. I love her! I love that whole family. I'm glad I have them to talk to. It makes Josh not seem quite so far away.

To Lindsey: Please talk to me sometime if you need to. The ultimate key is going to be forgiveness. Forgiving Josh for leaving with unfinished business and forgiving yourself for having things unfinished. All those things don't matter now. All is over and settled. Josh will not remember them anymore and the next time you see each other, nothing else will matter but the glory and splendor of God. That is where your peace is. Realize how much God has forgiven you and everyone and it will be a lot easier to forgive yourself. I have been there. Guilt is only as powerful as you let it be.

The words that you said They still ring in my head Don't you know We say goodbye With a tear in our eye Oh, where'd you go
It's alright you can sleep tonight Knowing you'll always live on in a song
Farewell to old friends Let's raise a glass to the bitter end Farewell to old friends Will you be the same when we see you again
Remember the days When we'd laugh as you played Who would have known The water would come and just take you away Oh, where'd you go
It's not alright I can't sleep tonight Knowing you should have played on On and on
Farewell to old friends Let's raise a glass to the bitter end Farewell to old friends Will you forgive me when I see you again
You had a good time Drinking all of our wine After the show We all rode the wave
Of that crazy parade Oh, where'd you go What happened to The ones we knew As long as I'm the shiniest star Oh, there you are

--Bitter End, Dixie Chicks